Rural Women Cultivating a Life They Love: An Interview with Jessalyn Ritland

"I try to remember that what I do in the home is useful and purposeful, even though it can feel mundane and insignificant."

Apr 28, 2023

I can’t remember exactly when I met Jessalyn or where. Ten years ago, I was new in this county, and I cannot remember how and when I first met everyone—and some of that time feels like a blur. We most likely met at church or some farming event. She always has a smile on her face and is one of the kindest women I know.

Jessalyn and I had our first babies (both boys!) within a few months of each other, and now they are both in the same class. Then we both had two more babies, and Jessalyn completed her family with a fourth boy last year!

Jessalyn grew up on a farm, then married a farmer after college. I knew she was someone I wanted to interview for this series, and I’m excited she said yes. I know you’ll be just as encouraged as I was!

Here’s my interview with Jessalyn.

Jessalyn, you grew up on a farm and then married a farmer. What was the transition like going from a “farmer’s daughter” to a “farmer’s wife? Do you feel like it was easier or harder, “knowing” what you were getting yourself into?

I would say I was super naive to, and rather overconfident in, what the transition would be like going from a farmer’s daughter to a farmer’s wife. It had always been my dream to live on a farm and create a life like my parents have. I loved my childhood; I loved growing up on the farm and being a part of it. It still, to this day, is one of my favorite places. How blessed am I that God gave me that opportunity to be a part of a farm again?!

However, I don’t think I quite understood what it really meant to be a farmer’s wife. I watched my mom conquer and, quite frankly, ROCK every job, duty, and role she was given. She was such an amazing teacher, role model, and teammate to my dad, that I thought I understood what would be expected of me and that I had some idea of how to accomplish the tasks given to me as a farmer’s wife. But she came from a generation that never let on to how lonely, stressful, and exhausting it can be to be a farmer’s wife. They were given their roles, and they did the work, and really without a lot of complaints. So this was all eye-opening to me, and to be honest, it is something I still struggle with during the busy seasons. I still don’t understand how I can feel so alone when I have four kids surrounding me, but it happens!

Every farm operation is so different. Expectations vary, and I really feel like I had to relearn quite a bit being on my husband’s family farm. It isn’t just me and my husband working as a team, as I watched my mom and dad do. We are working with my husband’s parents, so it's a larger team to navigate. Thank goodness he gives me grace in all areas when most of the time, I feel like a bull in a china shop trying to figure out where I fit in.

Throw in that I worked an hour and a half away from our home for the first two years of marriage, and it's safe to say that it wasn’t an easy transition. But new things rarely are, and by the grace of God, we grew through those times.

I see you as a great example of a woman cultivating a life you love. How do you find joy in the challenging and busy seasons?

Oh my goodness, you are so kind. I do love farm life! Yes, it is challenging but also so rewarding. I especially love having the opportunity to raise our boys in the country and on the farm.

I will be honest the busy seasons do steal joy if I let them. I have really had to learn to lean into God during these seasons and realize it is just a season. But I’m not great at it, and it is an evolving thing for me. Where I do find joy is when we (me and the boys) can be helpful to my husband and father-in-law, be that running for parts, helping move vehicles, running a late-night meal out with the boys, and seeing how excited they are to see Daddy even if it is for a fleeting moment. But also taking time to do the things I love—even when it feels hard to do.

I find joy when I take the time to be creative or work on things I enjoy.

Do you ever compare yourself to other ‘farm wives’? How do you deal with any insecurities you might have in your role?

We live in a world where it is easy to see what everyone is doing everywhere. So yes, of course, I fall into the comparison game. It goes back to what I assumed I would be doing on the farm with my husband and what I used to do on my parents' farm. With every farm operation being so different, roles are filled, and as the farmer’s wife coming in, you get to fill in where and when is necessary.

This has been difficult for me because I often feel like I’m not very useful or I’m just “taking care of the kids.” Despite this, I believe being a mom is my most important job. So to fight those feelings of insecurity, I pray I find ways where I can be useful around the farm yard when my husband is busy in the fields.

I try to remember that what I do in the home is useful and purposeful, even though it can feel mundane and insignificant.

Life on a farm can be all-consuming. We wake up at work and go to bed at work. How do you and Brett find balance as a family? And how do you find time to pursue your passions alongside farming and motherhood?

Brett is sooo much better at this than me. I am a planner, I like to have things scheduled and be able to expect what is coming. But of course, life on the farm doesn’t always allow for this. Brett has been so good at showing me how last-minute things can be fun and not disastrous lol.

As a family, we have learned to find balance during the busy seasons by taking time to do little things that always seem to make big memories. Fishing after work, going on bike rides to check the pivot, running up to the mountains on a surprise day off and playing in the creek, or going for a hike—all things that happen randomly and without a lot of planning. And they are all things the kids have asked to do again and have come up in random conversations of, “Hey, Mom, remember when….”

In regards to pursuing my passions, this is more challenging because I always feel like I have to ask for help with the kiddos to do something for me. But I do try and take time for my passions. If it’s gardening, it's easy to include the boys. I often have a whirl of various toy equipment going all around me while I tend to the garden.

But as a trained physical therapist, this gets a little more tricky—I do miss helping others through their healing journeys. This really is still a passion of mine and something I hope I can do again someday. Through continuing education, I can continue learning skills which is great! By getting together with friends and working out, I still feel like I get that fulfillment of movement. So even though my passions aren’t fulfilled like they used to be before kids—I do try and squeeze in things that still give me balance.

What advice would you give to a farm wife just starting out?

Give yourself grace, and give your husband grace! Farming can be so challenging yet so rewarding. It really does take a team effort. So always, always communicate with your husband. Remember, you are not alone, even in those busy seasons.

Finally, lean into God during difficult times and always find your strength in Him!

Jessalyn Ritland is a daughter of Christ, a farmer’s wife, a mama to four boys, and a Doctor of Physical Therapy. She lives on her husband’s family farm, where she and her husband, Brett, raise their four boys and various dryland crops.

Planting Season

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