Thank you for this. Just over here crying. It's been a week/season/year over here for sure. My husband farms. He, along with his dad have a cow/calf and grain operation. We are in the midst of some crazy wildfires in the middle of trying to get seed in the ground (we live in Alberta, Canada and the county and nearest town were recently evacuated due to out of control fires) between the stress of normal seeding and the fires its been a whirlwind. Add in that my role on the farm is yet to be determined as we have 2 small children (3 and 8 months) so other than taking meals out to him and riding along in the tractor, my role is basically at home. And you are right. It's hard. And lonely. And feels so unfair and like I just can't keep doing it most of the time. We live half an hour away from the nearest town so play dates/coffee dates, etc aren't the easiest to find or plan and I have yet to meet any "farm friends" in our area. Your words have been a place of solace for me since I found your writing. So thank you, you make it feel a little less lonely over here.
Oh Chelsea. I cried reading your comment. Thank you for saying all of that.
Your kids are at such a hard (and amazing!!) age. Add in being at home alone with them for long hours—and it's a lot. They are so needy right now and rely on you 100% and it's all consuming and overwhelming.
I would argue that you don't need to define your role. It's ever-changing. You are doing so much "just" staying home with the kids and bringing out meals. Keep taking rides with him in the tractor when you can! My husband and I have been married almost 10 years, and my role has changed over the years, and I anticipate it will many times again.
Also, I'm not an expert and you didn't ask for my advice, but I would push back on you saying, "My husband farms." No -- You and your husband farm. "We farm." You might not be in the tractor every day or out with the cows/calves, but you're part of the operation too. You matter. What you do matters.
We live 45 minutes from the nearest (tiny) town and I hear you on play dates and coffee dates. It's hard.
I feel like I could talk to you for hours about all you said. Do you use Voxer? Please, feel free to reach out to me anytime! I would honestly love to chat!! I have lots more thoughts about all of this and suggestions about finding farm friends! :)
Thank you for reading doesn't feel like enough. But, thank you.
Thank you. For your kindness. For your vulnerability and for your openness. And your words of connection. I don't currently use voxer but I keep hearing about it in the coffee and crumbs podcast so I might just need to look into it!
thinking of you this morning as we wade through this wildfire smoke (way too early in the season 😭)! does farm like keep chugging along even when the air gets unhealthy?
So thankful for our farmers!! Yes praying we have a clear June and July! My husband actually works for a company that has a fleet of planes that fight fires. It is crazy that all it takes is lightning to strike in the right spot, no matter how much snow the area got in the winter months. Glad y’all are safe!
My life is so different - I live overseas, but still I feel this post so much. I was so encouraged watching a Bible Project video about the curses that were the punishment for sin in Genesis. It just reminds me that even when what we are doing is good and redemptive and creative, we are still living in the weight of it being hard. We are made for this task of forming and filling but in the brokenness is is still so weighty, no wonder I am tired.
“But admitting it’s hard doesn’t mean everything is awful.” It’s true! Stacy, thank you for sharing your words. I have so much respect for farming families. I’m not one but I know many, and I know how truly hard it is in some seasons. Thank you for sharing your small mercies, a text from a friend at the right time is such a gift...God is reminding you through your friend that you are seen, known, and loved even when you don’t feel it. He is so kind, isn’t he? When we look to the Psalms we have a framework for lament. In a way, that’s what you have here. “This is so hard, but God has shown me mercy”. There is so much permission for that....to say what’s hard, and then to say what’s good (namely, God’s goodness and mercy). Can’t wait to read more of your farming life laments :)
Okay, I know your farming life and my expat life, on the surface, look like that could not be more different 😅 —but I really felt your words deeply. Especially the part about trying to find a good balance between sharing the hard and beautiful of your life, and not coming across like you’re whining. Even the part about about the life you live FULLY IMMERSED in having “a moment” on social media—I felt that way when the globe trotting family trend really started to take off 😂 I’m like “ok you’re making it look fun and adventurous all the time...”
Thank you for reminding me it’s okay to admit when I struggle. And how sharing that could help other women living a similar life feel less alone ♥️
Haha yes! I do feel like that with social media and rural life too -- "you're making this look fun and adventurous all the time!" It is hard to find a balance of not whining and being honest. ;) I especially worry about this, because we live in such a small community, that I sometimes see people IRL when I'm in town... who might have read something I wrote... and that feels awkward.
Yaaaasss. That awkward feeling is so real. When someone tells me (in person) they read my recent newsletter, for some reason I’m like 😬😬😬 (imagine the Michael Scott gif where he makes that face). And I say, “aww thanks,” because I can’t bring myself to ask, “what’d you think?” 😂
Ah, this came at just the right time. This time of year is just a lot for so many different reasons. By evening we are all so tired and irritable. So much is good, but so much hard is mixed in with it.
“It’s okay to admit I struggle during certain seasons. And still love my life.” So good. Glad you’re on the other side of seeding, friend. I’m counting down the days until I can take school dropoff/pickup off my plate, and admitting here that the next month feels daunting/impossible. This life isn’t for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.
Thank you, Cara!! I am so looking forward to not waking the kids up at 6 for school! (Although, I wonder if they will even sleep in anyway. One can dream.) ;)
Once again, I relate to these words, though with different details! And I laughed about Rhett and the mullet. My son got a buzz cut a while which doesn’t sound that bad... but I was like 😬. Fortunately he has not chosen to get one since. The K-pop hair cut was a whole lot better!! 😅
Well, I don’t know how it happened, but we took him for a haircut and he came out of the shop looking like he was from a k-pop boy band. I guess it was kind of longer in front but short sides? Hard to describe. He loved it, and it looked really good, but I thought he’d throw his neck out bc he kept tossing the long part to the side. 😆
This sentence: "Even after all these years, I struggle to balance what to unload on him and what I expect myself to carry alone."
Yes me too, me too! They are so busy sometimes, our husbands, and working so hard. And we are too but we tend to be the ones stuck at home doing mundane, lonely things! It's hard to know what to unload and what not to talk about. But you got through, and we all do! By the grace of God! ✨
Ok, ALL THE PROPS to you for not dying on the mullet hill. As my children start to come out of the teeny tiny years, that is the kind of mom I aspire to be, but also it's *really* hard!
I love this. We experienced our first chicken loss today (hawk) and we are all devastated. I never had a single pet growing up so I'm new to this animal grief thing. I can't imagine how much you must shoulder on a daily basis with a full blown farm, one that pays your bills at that. In a time when everything is social media perfect, it's powerful to admit i everything has its ups and downs.
Thank you for this. Just over here crying. It's been a week/season/year over here for sure. My husband farms. He, along with his dad have a cow/calf and grain operation. We are in the midst of some crazy wildfires in the middle of trying to get seed in the ground (we live in Alberta, Canada and the county and nearest town were recently evacuated due to out of control fires) between the stress of normal seeding and the fires its been a whirlwind. Add in that my role on the farm is yet to be determined as we have 2 small children (3 and 8 months) so other than taking meals out to him and riding along in the tractor, my role is basically at home. And you are right. It's hard. And lonely. And feels so unfair and like I just can't keep doing it most of the time. We live half an hour away from the nearest town so play dates/coffee dates, etc aren't the easiest to find or plan and I have yet to meet any "farm friends" in our area. Your words have been a place of solace for me since I found your writing. So thank you, you make it feel a little less lonely over here.
Oh Chelsea. I cried reading your comment. Thank you for saying all of that.
Your kids are at such a hard (and amazing!!) age. Add in being at home alone with them for long hours—and it's a lot. They are so needy right now and rely on you 100% and it's all consuming and overwhelming.
I would argue that you don't need to define your role. It's ever-changing. You are doing so much "just" staying home with the kids and bringing out meals. Keep taking rides with him in the tractor when you can! My husband and I have been married almost 10 years, and my role has changed over the years, and I anticipate it will many times again.
Also, I'm not an expert and you didn't ask for my advice, but I would push back on you saying, "My husband farms." No -- You and your husband farm. "We farm." You might not be in the tractor every day or out with the cows/calves, but you're part of the operation too. You matter. What you do matters.
We live 45 minutes from the nearest (tiny) town and I hear you on play dates and coffee dates. It's hard.
I feel like I could talk to you for hours about all you said. Do you use Voxer? Please, feel free to reach out to me anytime! I would honestly love to chat!! I have lots more thoughts about all of this and suggestions about finding farm friends! :)
Thank you for reading doesn't feel like enough. But, thank you.
Thank you. For your kindness. For your vulnerability and for your openness. And your words of connection. I don't currently use voxer but I keep hearing about it in the coffee and crumbs podcast so I might just need to look into it!
You are welcome.
A well-timed text can be such a grace in the midst of long, hard seasons. I loved this glimpse into your days!
Yes!! So true! It really was the perfect timing.
thinking of you this morning as we wade through this wildfire smoke (way too early in the season 😭)! does farm like keep chugging along even when the air gets unhealthy?
Thanks, Katie! It does keep going. 😬 Hopefully this clears out soon and we can enjoy June and July!
So thankful for our farmers!! Yes praying we have a clear June and July! My husband actually works for a company that has a fleet of planes that fight fires. It is crazy that all it takes is lightning to strike in the right spot, no matter how much snow the area got in the winter months. Glad y’all are safe!
My life is so different - I live overseas, but still I feel this post so much. I was so encouraged watching a Bible Project video about the curses that were the punishment for sin in Genesis. It just reminds me that even when what we are doing is good and redemptive and creative, we are still living in the weight of it being hard. We are made for this task of forming and filling but in the brokenness is is still so weighty, no wonder I am tired.
Thank you for reading, Kacie! And for your comment. So true about living in the brokenness of this world.
“But admitting it’s hard doesn’t mean everything is awful.” It’s true! Stacy, thank you for sharing your words. I have so much respect for farming families. I’m not one but I know many, and I know how truly hard it is in some seasons. Thank you for sharing your small mercies, a text from a friend at the right time is such a gift...God is reminding you through your friend that you are seen, known, and loved even when you don’t feel it. He is so kind, isn’t he? When we look to the Psalms we have a framework for lament. In a way, that’s what you have here. “This is so hard, but God has shown me mercy”. There is so much permission for that....to say what’s hard, and then to say what’s good (namely, God’s goodness and mercy). Can’t wait to read more of your farming life laments :)
Those texts are such a gift! Thank you for all your kind words! And for reading.
Okay, I know your farming life and my expat life, on the surface, look like that could not be more different 😅 —but I really felt your words deeply. Especially the part about trying to find a good balance between sharing the hard and beautiful of your life, and not coming across like you’re whining. Even the part about about the life you live FULLY IMMERSED in having “a moment” on social media—I felt that way when the globe trotting family trend really started to take off 😂 I’m like “ok you’re making it look fun and adventurous all the time...”
Thank you for reminding me it’s okay to admit when I struggle. And how sharing that could help other women living a similar life feel less alone ♥️
Haha yes! I do feel like that with social media and rural life too -- "you're making this look fun and adventurous all the time!" It is hard to find a balance of not whining and being honest. ;) I especially worry about this, because we live in such a small community, that I sometimes see people IRL when I'm in town... who might have read something I wrote... and that feels awkward.
Yaaaasss. That awkward feeling is so real. When someone tells me (in person) they read my recent newsletter, for some reason I’m like 😬😬😬 (imagine the Michael Scott gif where he makes that face). And I say, “aww thanks,” because I can’t bring myself to ask, “what’d you think?” 😂
Ah, this came at just the right time. This time of year is just a lot for so many different reasons. By evening we are all so tired and irritable. So much is good, but so much hard is mixed in with it.
Bedtime is sometimes needed for everyone's benefit. ;) Mostly mom. Haha.
“It’s okay to admit I struggle during certain seasons. And still love my life.” So good. Glad you’re on the other side of seeding, friend. I’m counting down the days until I can take school dropoff/pickup off my plate, and admitting here that the next month feels daunting/impossible. This life isn’t for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.
Thank you, Cara!! I am so looking forward to not waking the kids up at 6 for school! (Although, I wonder if they will even sleep in anyway. One can dream.) ;)
Once again, I relate to these words, though with different details! And I laughed about Rhett and the mullet. My son got a buzz cut a while which doesn’t sound that bad... but I was like 😬. Fortunately he has not chosen to get one since. The K-pop hair cut was a whole lot better!! 😅
Rhett did a buzz cut a couple of summers ago and it wasn't great. Haha. What is a K-pop haircut??
Well, I don’t know how it happened, but we took him for a haircut and he came out of the shop looking like he was from a k-pop boy band. I guess it was kind of longer in front but short sides? Hard to describe. He loved it, and it looked really good, but I thought he’d throw his neck out bc he kept tossing the long part to the side. 😆
I am soooo picturing a boy band boy tossing his hair to the side!! Haha!!!
This sentence: "Even after all these years, I struggle to balance what to unload on him and what I expect myself to carry alone."
Yes me too, me too! They are so busy sometimes, our husbands, and working so hard. And we are too but we tend to be the ones stuck at home doing mundane, lonely things! It's hard to know what to unload and what not to talk about. But you got through, and we all do! By the grace of God! ✨
Thank you, Kym! I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles in what to unload or not. And yes, we did make it through by His grace!!
Ok, ALL THE PROPS to you for not dying on the mullet hill. As my children start to come out of the teeny tiny years, that is the kind of mom I aspire to be, but also it's *really* hard!
Haha!! I told myself it saved money on haircuts and trips to the barber. That helped too. ;)
I love this. We experienced our first chicken loss today (hawk) and we are all devastated. I never had a single pet growing up so I'm new to this animal grief thing. I can't imagine how much you must shoulder on a daily basis with a full blown farm, one that pays your bills at that. In a time when everything is social media perfect, it's powerful to admit i everything has its ups and downs.
Oh no! I'm sorry. :( I cannot believe we haven't lost a chicken yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. And thank you!