At the beginning of June, I sat down to write in my notebook about the prior evening, when we went out as a family to check the crops. I wrote about watching the kids traipse behind Rich through the knee-high wheat, the stalks parting and falling back in place behind them. I stood at the edge of the field, watching the sun wash a golden bath over them. It was the golden hour. And I had forgotten my phone and camera at home. I so badly wanted to capture all of them together, the kids crowded around Rich while he examined the wheat in his hands, the light just right. I watched as the kids ran around, falling into the wheat, laughing at each other. The breeze was cool, and the dog leaped through the field, having the best time. It was the perfect evening.
But then, I put the pencil down, reading the words I had just written, and realized I had romanticized my own life without meaning to. The real reason we had gone out to check the field was that Rich was worried an entire field had been planted with the wrong variety of wheat.1 An error that would have taken place last fall when they seeded, but was undetected until now.
Yes, the light was perfect, the breeze was lovely. And the dog really was having the best time. But Rich was stressed, mad at himself. It was still dry with no rain in the forecast, and this error felt like another cut. He was examining the wheat to try to determine the variety based on its appearance. The kids crowded around, excited to be near him, mostly unaware of the tension. Rhett understood what Rich was doing, a miniature farmer in training, but the girls were oblivious. And while the kids were having fun running around, Rich occasionally scolded them for trampling the wheat under their feet. I stood at the edge of the field, knowing I couldn’t do anything to help or solve the problem. So I waited, hoping Rich would turn around and call out, “False alarm! It’s all good.” But he didn’t.
In the pickup on the way home, Rich tried to explain to me what he thought had happened and why it was a big deal. Why this certain variety is best for what he planned on the field being used for, and how this would change his plans. When we arrived at the house, he went into his office, sorting through paperwork as he tried to find the answer. He went to bed that night tense and frustrated with himself.
The next day, he went to that field again and came home with a weight off his shoulders. He determined it was the “right” crop, the one he wanted planted there. (Are you confused? Because I was.)2 I’m not sure how he figured out it was the right variety, but I just smiled, happy this problem was behind us. Glad that he was a little less stressed.
When I thought about what I wanted to write for this month’s newsletter, I kept going back and forth about sharing this story. Not because it’s that big of a deal, it all turned out okay. But because I had completely romanticized my own life. I turned the evening into a social media highlight reel. And I didn’t feel right sharing about this wonderful evening, when in reality, it was stressful. It wasn’t all sunshine and the breeze in my hair.
It’s hard to explain to those outside of agriculture how the weather can wear on a person. How much a good rain can wash away the lines of stress. How much the weather affects our schedules, and when something needs to be done, it needs done—regardless of the day of the week (or the time of day!). How one variety of wheat is different from another. How everything can change so quickly. How I will likely never be able to share all of the challenging parts, because this isn’t just my story. How lonely it can be. How so much of this is out of our control. How the romanticized version is real, but it’s not the whole picture. How, yes, the sunsets are beautiful, but this life can be hard too.3
But isn’t that real life? Whether you live on a farm or in the city, each day is a mixture of the good and the bad, the beautiful and the challenging.
And maybe it’s okay to romanticize our lives sometimes, to focus on the beautiful light, to notice the different shades of green in a wheat field—the lime, the Kelly green, and the emerald. There’s a reason they call it the golden hour, the harsh midday sun behind us—everything looks better in this light.
In the coming weeks, those greens will turn yellow, then golden, the sun ripening the crops. Our evenings will look much different; we won’t be together, except for the short time at dinner. Harvest will bring stress and beauty—I know this from experience. Each day will be filled with beautiful moments. But there will also be stressful situations, things that don’t look pretty on paper.
As we head into this next season, I’ll remind myself to look for the light, to savor the golden hours, the golden minutes. I’ll hold onto the good moments, not because I’m pretending, but because sometimes I need the romanticized version of this life, too.
Farm Happenings
June flew by, but it was jam-packed with farm & ranch work. The farm crew is still haying and will finish just in time to start harvest. The kids spent a whole week at my parents' house out of state (and had so much fun! They went to Yellowstone National Park for the first time). During that week, Rich asked me to run the rake during haying, so I spent a couple of days in the field. And in true “farm wife” fashion, after spending the day in a tractor, I came home and made dinner for the crew, then delivered it to the guys who were still working. All of the cows are now on summer pasture, and the bulls have done their job.
Up next: finishing haying, harvest, and selling the calves. 🌾
Things I’m Loving . . .
I read several books this month, most of which I loved. But now, I don’t know what to read next! Books I read in June: It’s a Love Story (LOVED!), Elk Love, Atmosphere (audio), Holding On & Letting Go (LOVED!), The Love Haters (audio) and Run for the Hills.
Books I’ve pre-ordered: the newest Dog Man (not for me) 😉, The Pioneer Woman’s latest cookbook (it doesn’t even have a cover yet, but I know I want it 😉), If You Don’t Like This, I Will Die, and The Amazing Generation: Your Guide to Fun and Freedom in a Screen-Filled World (also not for me).
I made a couple of new recipes, including these Philly cheesesteaks for the hay crew (which were a hit). And twice this month, I made these cheeseburger sliders for my family, and Rich requested I add them to the harvest meal rotation. (Which reminds me, I need to start planning meals for harvest meals, and stocking up at the grocery store.) 🫨
One day, you’re young and carefree, and the next, you’re sniffing hand soap at Target, trying to decide which ones delight you the most. This one and this one are my new favorites. As someone who never tans and only burns, I rely on tanning lotions for a little bit of color, and I started using this brand this summer. Tanning lotions are never perfect, but this one works pretty well.
During the week the kids were gone, when I wasn’t cleaning their rooms, raking hay, or making freezer meals for harvest, we finished the latest season of Clarkson’s Farm.4 We also re-watched The Accountant, because I saw an ad that The Accountant 2 would be released the next day on Prime. Since it had been so long since we watched the first one, I was glad we re-watched it ahead of the sequel.
I’m signed up for this hermit crab workshop that starts next week. And I’ve committed to a nine-month writing intensive that begins in September, in case any fellow writers are looking for ways to stretch their creative muscles this year!
I know true crime podcasts aren’t everyone’s jam, but season two of Bone Valley had me tearing up. And I (mostly) enjoyed this podcast episode about spending a year off of social media.
Shameless self-promotion: ICYMI, this post about creating a ‘90s summer for myself. I’m still waiting to get my first roll of film back, and will send off my disposable camera this week! I wrote this micro-essay, “Why I Rock My Toddler,” a few years ago, and it was shared on the Coffee + Crumbs Instagram page a few weeks ago.
Lastly, my newest essay, “Three’s a Crowd,” was published in the Coffee + Crumbs summer collection earlier this month. It’s about the decision to have three kids, but also deciding what parenting advice to take or not.
This post was written with this song on repeat.
June was filled with not only farm work, but basketball and football camps, and Rhett took hunter’s safety. (So much driving!) The kids and I hit the pool several times, too. The rest of our summer will mostly be centered around harvest.
Last week, while I was working on HR paperwork for a summer hire, I learned that his birth date is the year after I graduated from college. Oof. So, how’s your week going? What book should I read next? My reading will likely slow down in July, but I'm hoping to read a few good ones.
Until next time,
Stacy
There are many varieties of wheat, and we raise about 3-4 different varieties, depending on the year.
I think, if I understood correctly, he planned on using that field to make hay, not harvest it as a wheat crop. And the variety he wanted (and did plant there) is better for making hay. So, it would have meant they had one less field of hay, which would be a problem. I don’t know, I just live here. 😉
I also know that we aren’t special, and that many careers, other than farming, are stressful as well. This is just the life I know, and I can talk about.
We love this show! But I’ve been wondering lately if anyone outside of agriculture finds it amusing, or if I’m just too far into this life now that I don’t even realize how niche it is. Ha!
"But isn’t that real life? Whether you live on a farm or in the city, each day is a mixture of the good and the bad, the beautiful and the challenging." Yes! Always love reading your words 💗
I love the visuals here (your words and the photos) and your humor! Ok, I've been really wanting to apply for Heart to Page, and reading that you are doing it makes me really really want to do it!