To New York City, With Love
we're never too old to dream, are we? || March newsletter 🌱
At the beginning of March, Rich and I made a quick trip to New York City. He was invited to speak to a group of non-farmers about farming, so I tagged along. I hadn’t been to NYC since my senior year of college in 2006; it was his first time visiting.
I honestly don’t remember much about that trip in 2006. It was Labor Day weekend, and a group of us drove up from DC, where we were all living and working. At the time, I was the press intern for a U.S. Senator and had only been living in DC for a few weeks, so the East Coast (the humidity!) and city life were still very new (and somewhat overwhelming) to a 22-year-old from Wyoming.
I remember we wanted to go to the top of the Empire State Building, but it was raining that day, and lightning caused the observation deck to be shut down. So, we only got this photo of us at the bottom of the building. When I found out Rich and I were going to NYC, I put visiting the Empire State Building (and getting to the observation deck) at the top of my list.1
I chatted with a young woman named Shirley during the social hour before Rich spoke on the panel. She was married with no kids and lived in Brooklyn. It struck me that our lives could not be more different. Yet, we had a really lovely conversation. She probably thought, “How could she live on a farm?” I had similar thoughts: “What’s it actually like to live in New York City?” I asked her questions about city life, probably sounding naive. She asked me questions about farming. Both of us picturing the romanticized version of each other’s lives.
The last morning we were there, Rich was in meetings, so I spent a few hours alone, walking around the city. Before going on the trip, I had wondered if I would be brave enough to walk around by myself if the opportunity arose. And I’m happy to say, I was. 2
I went to Central Park, sat on a bench, and looked at the skyscrapers before me. I couldn’t help but wonder what life would have been like if I had lived there. I watched people walking their dogs, the ducks swimming in the pond, and squirrels running from tree to tree. It wasn’t nearly as loud in the park as on the street.
Could a small-town girl from Wyoming have made it?
I grew up watching Friends, which was at its peak when I was in high school. I remember watching the series finale during my sophomore year of college, my roommates and friends gathered around the TV in our basement apartment. I imagine some parts of living in NYC would have been just as amazing as I envisioned: fancy drinks with friends on rooftop bars, a never-ending array of food options, the culture, and more. But I know every day wouldn’t look that way—fun and adventure, laughs and drinks. Life never is.
When I was in my 20s, I thought moving to a city would mean “I made it.” But I don’t think I asked myself: would it have meant everything?
I know now, at 41, that there isn’t one way to measure success. Something younger me didn’t know yet.
After spending the morning walking up and down Fifth Avenue, visiting Grand Central Station, going to Central Park, and getting my ashes at St. Patrick’s Cathedral (it was Ash Wednesday), Rich called to tell me he was done with his meetings. I told him where I was, and he said he would come and find me.
I stood outside Lululemon (a store I love to visit but rarely find anything I want to buy), waiting for him. Fifth Avenue bustled with people, the traffic and honking never-ending. After a few minutes, I caught a glimpse of Rich walking toward me through the crowd of people, and I had forgotten he was wearing a suit when he left our hotel room that morning. In a Sliding Doors moment, I pictured we were meeting up after work to finish our daily commute together to our high-rise apartment. In this parallel storyline, he would be coming from the Financial District, and I would be coming from my job at a magazine.3 Instead, we walked together to our hotel, packed our bags, and headed to the airport.
We flew back home to a life I never dreamed of living.
When I left NYC after that weekend trip in 2006, I had no idea it would be nearly twenty years before I returned. In a surprise turn of events, farming brought me back there.
I think there are many of us whose lives didn’t turn out as we had pictured or dreamed of. That doesn’t mean it’s a terrible life; it's just not what we imagined. I sometimes hesitate to share these thoughts, especially on IG, where the rural women I follow only say, “I can’t imagine living anywhere else!” In truth, I have imagined living somewhere else. I have wondered what it would be like. And maybe they do too, but they don’t say it out loud.
Maybe that’s what’s so fun about traveling: it’s picturing living a different life. Not because my real life is bad, but because it’s fun to think of the what-ifs.
It’s a chance to learn how other people live and to understand one another better. I want to hear about life from someone else’s perspective, even for an hour, and with someone I’ll likely never meet again.
I’m happy to be back home. I think I’ll always love NYC, or at least, the idea of it. And while living in NYC is no longer my dream—as it was in my 20s—I hope I never stop daydreaming.
Farm Happenings
We finished calving in early March, and despite the frigid temperatures in February, it went really well, thanks to the barn, lots of straw and feed, and countless hours of keeping watch over the cows. We branded two herds and have one more to go. The big kids got to help one day (the other day, they were in school), and they were really helpful and worn out and dirty that evening.
A couple of weeks ago, the ranch crew tested the bull’s semen, preparing them to be turned out with the cows this spring.
The farm crew started seeding last week. They were only able to seed a few days before the weather turned. They will spend a few more days seeding spring wheat, and then there will be a break before they seed the chickpeas and lentils (and some other crops I can’t remember), as it’s too early for them to be planted. I delivered meals to the field in the evenings and snapped this shot of Rich loading fertilizer to be spread onto one of the winter wheat fields.
Up next: seeding the spring crops and breeding season (AI’ing/turning the bulls out). 🌱🐮
Things I’m Loving . . .
I devoured the three-part Hulu docuseries, Devil in the Family. I had no idea who Ruby Franke was, and I knew nothing about her before I started the show. Once the first episode began, I resisted googling her name so that the series played out without any hints of what was to come. It was jaw-dropping and horrifying, to say the least, about what she did to her kids.
In the past couple of months, I saw ads for a new show, The Pitt, but because we didn’t have the streaming service, Max, I didn’t watch it, even though I was interested. (Noah Wyle! ER!) But when
mentioned in her Substack how much she loved the show, that was all I needed to hear, and I signed up for a free trial. I flew through the episodes, and now, I “patiently” wait for a new episode every Thursday.While in NYC, I went to a couple of bookstores. In one of them, I found a section with books about NYC, and picked up Delia Ephron’s memoir, Left on Tenth. It was a really beautiful read.4 I love everything Melanie Shankle writes, and her latest book, Here Be Dragons, was no exception. While I couldn’t relate to Shankle's relationship with her mother, I still loved it. I also enjoyed her podcast interview with Annie F. Downs.
I picked up Boy Brow eyebrow pomade at Sephora, and I’m a fan. Goodbye, eyebrow pencils! For one of our branding days, I made Ree’s Texas sheet cake—always a hit. I made a new casserole for the seeding crew last week (I first made it for my family a few weeks ago because I don’t like to try out new recipes on non-family members). I think everyone liked it.
I rarely listen to the Armchair Expert podcast, but I loved this episode with Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation. It’s a long but interesting conversation about politics, social media, and phones.5 I got money for my birthday (getting money as a gift is still a delight at 41), so I bought myself a pair of Birkenstock clogs. #thisis41iguess
ICYMI: I wrote a letter to my younger self earlier this month on my birthday. Apparently, I’m in my reflective/emotional/feeling my feelings mom era, because I wrote about noticing the changes of spring and my kids' growth on IG.
And then, I shared a post on Substack titled “What hat am I wearing?” acknowledging my changing role as a mom, my kids getting older, and going into a season I’ve never experienced before.
I also wrote an essay about my mom that was published in early March.
We happened to be in NYC on the release date of So God Made a Grandma, which was a fun surprise! I couldn’t help myself, so I went and found the book in B&N on its publication date.
Lastly, in my most recent publication news, I have an essay coming out in the spring/summer (volume 18) issue of Trailblazher magazine! Shout out to Ashlee Gadd for letting me use some of her photos for the magazine. (Hint: The story is about growing zinnias, a mutual love for both of us.)
Last week, I busted out my sandals for the first time, and then two days later, it snowed. We’re still in a false spring around here, but there are signs that winter is (almost) behind us—longer hours of light, tulips popping up, and robins hopping from branch to branch in my front yard. Hopefully, I’ll get to wear my sandals again soon.
Tell me, do you have a parallel life? Do you love to travel and daydream? Any fun spring plans?
Until next time,
Stacy
It’s definitely a very touristy thing to do (so many people! so expensive!), but it was a cool experience.
While I’m “brave” enough to kill rattlesnakes in my basement, navigating a huge city alone is a different kind of beast. 😂
If this were an actual Sliding Doors moment, I would be meeting up with someone else. In the movie, the main character lives two parallel lives with two significant others, showing what her life would have been like if she had made a different choice. But this is my version. :) If you haven’t watched the movie, you should!
I had no idea Nora Ephron had a sister, three of them, actually. (I’m sure Delia is often reminded of this and doesn’t love it.)
The episode is over two hours long, but the convo with Jonathan Haidt is only the first 90 minutes. I thought it was worth the listen!
All the rom coms I saw during what I call the golden age of the rom com (Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Two Weeks Notice, etc.) made me want to visit NYC, and I still haven't been! I loved reading your reflections. I think most of us have wondered what our lives would look like if we had made different choices. I often wonder what mine would look like had I married earlier or majored in something different. I used to get really hung up on the "what ifs" but now I try to be thankful for the "what is."
Sooo many parallel lives! Did you read The Midnight Library? Your post makes me want to reread it. :) and I love that farming is what brought you back to NYC. ❤️