Rural Women Cultivating a Life They Love: An Interview with Mary Pat Sass
"Farming is hard, family relationships are hard, and working on yourself is honestly the best place to start, in my opinion."
The rural woman I’m interviewing today likely needs no introduction. If you’ve spent any time on social media and follow women in agriculture, you probably already know Mary Pat Sass, who also goes by MP. Mary Pat and I connected on IG several years ago, and I love following their farm life in the Midwest, which is quite different from ours in Montana.
Mary Pat shares some of their farm story on social media, with over 100K Instagram followers, helping other farm women feel less alone and seeking to educate those outside of agriculture on a life and business they may not understand. She also co-hosts the podcast Beyond the Crops.
MP grew up on a dairy farm in Wisconsin and married a row crop farmer in Illinois, where they are raising two kids on their family farm. A couple of years ago, she left her career in agricultural technology to stay home. And recently, she has taken on more operational roles on their farm.
Without further ado, here’s my interview with Mary Pat.
Mary Pat, I’ve titled this interview series “Rural Women Cultivating a Life They Love.” You always seem optimistic about farming and farm life on social media, but I know we all struggle at times, too. How do you get through the challenging seasons? How are you cultivating a life you love?
Mental health and mindset are extremely important. Since I’ve gone off on my own and quit my corporate job, I’ve found a ton of value in personal development. I’ve done a few courses and masterminds to help my focus as a business owner, but I’ve also worked with a mental health professional as well. Farming is hard, family relationships are hard, and working on yourself is honestly the best place to start, in my opinion.
I’m going to give a plug for Ashley Machado, the therapist I’ve worked with; she specializes in mental health for people in agriculture. She understands our way of life and has really helped me grow as a person.
I’m also constantly assessing how I’m spending my time. Overcommitting is something I’m prone to, and I’m working on saying “No” and making sure I’m spending my time how I want to spend it. I’ve had to shift how I do business and my goals so I can stick to my main priorities, which are being home with my kids as much as possible and being involved on the farm with them. If it’s not a “Heck YES,” it’s a “Heck NO.”
You grew up on a dairy farm in Wisconsin, then married a row crop farmer in Illinois. What was the transition like going from one farm to another? Do you feel like it was easier or harder "knowing" what you were getting yourself into?
I don’t really know if I knew what I was getting myself into with crop farming. The two types of farms are really different. With dairy farming, it was a daily commitment where the cows needed to be milked twice a day no matter what. No matter the weather, if it was a holiday, or anything else we had going on, the cows needed to come first, and that was a routine I grew up understanding. My dad seemed to thrive on that routine and was always close by. We got to spend a lot of time with him on the farm growing up. He was also there for us as kids if we forgot our school lunch or needed to go to an appointment; my dad was the one there for it a lot of the time. In between milkings, his schedule was a little bit flexible.
Crop farming is a lot different. We have seasons where the farm is the priority, and we aren’t making plans for anything extra. We’re waking up early and working late into the evenings, and there’s more pressure on everyone. My husband is out in the fields late working to get the crop planted or harvested, and I’m tackling things at home with the kids solo. We deliver meals in the evening to the field because the crew doesn’t come back home to eat. Our fields are pretty spread out, so it takes time and effort to get the kids to spend time with their dad. But then, in the off-seasons, we have more flexibility to spend time away from the farm as a family. My husband is there on Christmas morning when our kids wake up, where my dad was always out working with the cows. It’s definitely different in so many ways.
I guess to sum that up, I think having farming experience before marrying a crop farmer was helpful for me. Understanding the importance of making the farm a priority and the general passion I had for farming from a young age is definitely helpful. I really enjoy the rhythm of the seasons on our crop farm. It’s nice to know there’s going to be a bit of a break after we really push for a few months during our busy seasons.
I didn’t grow up on a farm, so I often compare what I thought it would be like to be a mom (in town) to what motherhood is actually like (on a farm). Do you feel that being raised on a farm made it easier to be a mom on a farm? Do you have a tradition you’ve passed on from your family farm to your kids?
It’s hard to compare, not knowing what it’s like from the other perspective, but I will say my experience growing up on the farm definitely shaped how I mother today. My parents allowed me to be involved as much as I wanted to be. They slowed down to show and teach me the ropes. I was a very involved kid on the farm and appreciated the opportunities they gave me. My kids are still very young, but my childhood experience has inspired me to involve our kids as much as possible.
They’re out in the field multiple days a week when we’re in our busy seasons. I have been getting more involved operationally over the past couple of busy seasons and have the kids with me in the cab quite often. I try to keep it flexible for them so if I can tell they’re getting burned out, we can have some time out of the field as well. So far, having them involved has seemed to have a very positive impact on both of our kids. I want our kids to grow up experiencing farming with us and feel the passion both their mom and dad have for what we do.
This last year, you’ve shared on social media about your role transitioning—you’ve been more actively involved in the field than in years past. Was that transition intentional, or did it sort of just happen? Has that changed how you feel about the farm or farm life? How did that shift affect your role as a mom and a wife—both emotionally and practically speaking?
I’ve felt a flame burning in me to be more involved operationally on the farm for quite a while now. To be honest, I didn’t see how I would fit in our operation, and I didn’t want to “upset the apple cart” per se because other wives on our farm weren’t involved in the ways I wanted to be. The transition to having me be more involved was very intentional. I started by expressing my interest to my husband. I took my time and didn’t expect immediate opportunities to come my way.
I was so nervous . . . I know how it is working with family and how difficult it can be to manage relationships, and I really didn’t want my involvement to hinder any other relationships on the farm. My husband became my advocate. Since I was the one marrying into the operation, I really needed him to be supportive and a voice for me with his family. I slowly got more involved and have continued to get more comfortable with communicating the things I’d like to do and help with on the farm.
The shift to me being more involved has truly helped grow my connection to our family’s farm, and it’s helped with my mental health. Before, I really felt more like it was my husband’s farm and I was the wife supporting him. I knew that role was important, but I truly wanted to be part of it. Since I was involved in my family’s farm as a child, I really wanted to have that feeling with the farm I married into. Farming has always been my true passion, and being able to be more involved has really made me the happiest version of myself.
On the practical side, my involvement has put more of a strain on my family. My husband is the real MVP. He knew my taking on more on the farm would mean he would need to take more on with the kids during the busy seasons. We have two young kids, and when both of us are in a tractor, we often split responsibilities with them while each of us takes one along in the cab.
As an operator myself, I need to have boundaries with when I’m able to work. For example, I can’t be in the field until after I get the kids to daycare during the week, and I have to leave by a specific time to pick them up. If they come along with me for the day, we usually can’t get out of the house at the break of dawn because we have to pack up all of our stuff to make it through the day. I work some late nights with the kids, but most of the time, I quit a lot earlier than everyone else to get them to bed at a decent time. I’m not going to lie; it hasn’t been easy at all. I’m someone who will push myself further than I ever should, but I truly love what we do, and I’m incredibly grateful to be part of it.
The term “farm wife” can be controversial on the Internet. What does the name mean to you?
I really think people put too much credit in a title. In my opinion, the title you give yourself is really meaningless, and it’s really about WHO you are as a person. I am much more than a farm wife, but I call myself a farm wife because it’s something others who have similar lives to mine can relate to. The farm isn’t my full-time gig. Outside of the busy seasons, most of my days are spent at home with my kids, mommin’. I also run my own small business, so I could call myself an entrepreneur.
I’m going to be honest, I don’t fully understand the controversy. If someone chooses to call themselves something and they are happy with it, let them be. The picture of a farm wife's roles and involvement is different for everyone, and I think that’s the message that’s the most important for others to know.
What would you tell a rural woman just starting out?
I’d say to have an open mind to learning more about the operation you’re involved in. If you’re married, communication with your spouse is huge in staying connected with what’s happening on the farm and what he can and cannot commit to outside of it. If you’re feeling a pull to be more involved, make sure to communicate that but be patient in how it plays out for you. Working with family and managing those relationships is really tough. If you need help, reach out to someone like Ashley, who can help you with your own mental health and personal development.
Try to find local support, other farm wives, or folks who can understand your way of life. Our local group of farm friends is our rock. We first found each other at a local young farmer meet-up through Farm Bureau. Finding other farm women on social media who inspire you and lift you up is also super helpful, and I’ve made true lifelong friends by connecting online.
Farm life can be very isolating, but knowing you aren’t alone is helpful. Gaining inspiration for how you want to spend your time can be helpful as well. Be flexible and try new things. If you find yourself doing something that doesn’t fill your cup, make a change.
Chase what brings you true happiness.
Mary Pat Sass is a farm wife and mom who grew up on a dairy farm in Wisconsin. She married a grain farmer from Illinois and now farms alongside her husband's parents, his two brothers, and their families.
Mary Pat worked in agriculture technology but chose to leave her corporate career to stay home and focus on raising her kids. She didn't intend to be involved operationally on the family farm but realized quickly it was something she really wanted.
She shares their farming story on social media and focuses on connecting with other farm women, hoping to inspire them to find the roles that fill their cups. She also enjoys educating consumers on farm basics.
If you liked this interview, be sure and read my other Rural Women interviews with Katelyn Duban, Katelyn Larson, Cara Stolen, Jessalyn Ritland, Sara Hollenbeck, Lara d’Entremont, and Natalie Kerfoot.
Another great interview, Stacy! Thanks for sharing!
I love this series, a peek into a totally different life! But the commonalities are the same. Communication and respect 👌🏼👌🏼 love your profiles! They’re beautiful! 💛